“Dear Dr Charlotte
I’ve been thinking about booking a small‑group tour for months now. The itinerary looks incredible — the kind of trip I’ve always wanted to do but never felt brave enough to organise alone. But every time I get close to clicking “book”, I freeze.
I’m worried about the people more than the trip.
I’m not the fastest walker. I get tired more quickly than I’d like. I’m not the loudest or most confident person in a group. And I keep imagining myself being the one who slows everyone down, or the one who needs extra help, or the one who doesn’t quite “fit”.
I’ve also had tricky group dynamics in the past — situations where I felt talked over, left behind, or subtly judged. Nothing dramatic, just enough to make me doubt myself now.
Part of me thinks a tour would be exactly what I need: structure, company, safety, and the chance to see places I’d never manage alone. But another part of me is scared I’ll spend the whole time worrying about keeping up, managing personalities, or feeling like a burden.
I want to go. I really do. I just don’t know how to trust myself — or the group — enough to book it.
What should I do?”
Dr Charlotte’s response: I’m going to start with the heart of what you’ve described: this fear that you won’t “keep up”, that you’ll be the one who slows the group down, or that tricky dynamics might emerge. These worries are incredibly common, especially for women, and they make complete psychological sense when we look at how our minds work.
When we’re considering something new, that stretches us or feels slightly outside our comfort zone, our minds often default to imagining the worst‑case scenario. This isn’t because the worst is likely to happen. It’s because your brain is trying to protect you. It scans for threat, and it uses past experiences as its reference point. So if you’ve had group dynamics in the past that felt uncomfortable, your mind will pull those memories forward and assume they’ll repeat.
If you’ve had situations at work where you felt talked over, overlooked, or subtly judged, it’s understandable that the idea of a group tour activates those same feelings. Our brains don’t distinguish between “a meeting where I felt dismissed” and “a group of strangers on holiday”. They simply recognise the social element and say, “Be careful — this might be like that other thing.”
The positive news is that group tours operate very differently to workplace dynamics. People join tours because they want connection, company, and shared experiences. They’re usually kind, supportive, and relieved to meet others. You’re not entering a competitive environment; you’re entering a cooperative one. Most travellers want the group to work well, and they want everyone to feel included. You’re more likely to encounter encouragement than judgement.
Let’s move on to the worry about keeping up physically. Again, this is a very common concern, and again, it often comes from past experiences. Many women have had moments where they felt rushed, pressured, or compared physically — walking with faster friends, being pushed to keep pace, or feeling self‑conscious about their stamina. When you imagine a tour, those memories get activated.
But group tours are designed with varied abilities in mind. People walk at different paces. Guides are used to this. No one expects you to be the fastest, and you’re allowed to take your time. The fear here isn’t really about walking; it’s about an old internal standard of not wanting to inconvenience anyone. Once you recognise that, it becomes easier.
There are also practical steps you can take that help you feel more confident. Choosing a tour with an activity rating that matches your comfort level is one of them. Many companies offer leisurely, moderate, or active options, and selecting the right one gives you a sense of control.
You might also want to consider a female only tour, as this is likely to further increase the chances of being part of a supportive and cooperative group rather than there being a competitive or less patient element. That’s not to say men can’t be supportive, of course, many are. However, as groups, women tend to be more understanding and supportive when someone is struggling: I’ve experienced this myself when a friend experienced a panic attack on a tour due to a fear of heights. As a group of women we surrounded her every step of the way down so that she knew she was safe and supported. There was no judgement from the group, just wanting to make sure our friend was ok. And she was.
Another way to help yourself feel reassured is to gently increase your exercise tolerance. Not because you need to, but because it will boost your confidence. A few extra walks, and one spin class a week, and suddenly the fear shifts from “Will I cope?” to “I’ll be fine.”
What I want to emphasise here is that the discomfort you’re feeling isn’t a sign that you shouldn’t go — it’s a sign that you’re standing at the edge of your comfort zone. And this is exactly where psychological growth happens. When we gently stretch ourselves, we learn that we can cope, even when something feels unfamiliar or slightly challenging. That learning is invaluable. It builds confidence, resilience, and a deeper sense of trust in yourself.
It also matters hugely that this is the kind of trip you’ve always wanted to do. There is something meaningful here for you — a sense of adventure, independence, and possibility. When something feels meaningful, fear often shows up alongside it. Not because the thing is wrong for us, but because it matters. Fear is trying to keep you safe, but it can also keep you small if we let it make decisions for us.
You are capable of more than your mind is currently giving you credit for. And you will grow as a person by taking this step. It might not always be easy — most worthwhile experiences aren’t — but you will learn that you can manage tricky dynamics, that you can go at your own pace, and that you can cope even when you feel uncertain.
Don’t let fear hold you back from something that is genuinely meaningful to you. You deserve experiences that expand your world, not just the ones that feel familiar. This trip has the potential to be one of those experiences.
For more advice on feeling prepared, check out our workbook on preparing for a group tour or retreat as a solo traveller
