Elise Dyer, Clinical Associate Psychologist & Clinical Lecturer
Travelling solo presents various challenges, with one notable hurdle being the experience of dining alone. In the early stages of my solo journeys, I often hesitated to enter restaurants or cafés as I felt guilty about occupying an entire table for myself. I remember one particular instance when I was in a bustling café, and the waiter’s indifferent response to my request for a table made me feel even more self-conscious. However, as I gradually faced and navigated these fears, I recognised that overcoming this obstacle represented a significant milestone in my personal development. I now feel much more comfortable eating alone and I hope that my experiences can provide hope if you are feeling anxious like I was.
Why do we feel anxious about eating alone?
It’s common to feel anxious about dining alone. Many of us share the concern of being perceived as peculiar for eating solo, with fears that others may judge our solitary dining experience as a sign of loneliness. It’s important to remember that these feelings of judgment are widespread, and you’re certainly not alone in this experience. Social norms typically associate dining with communal gatherings involving family and friends, which can complicate the emotional landscape for those who dine alone.
It is true that most of the time people eat out with others, however this certainly isn’t always the case. If we were to go out into any city centre and purposefully look for people who are eating alone, we would see a lot. We will tend not to notice people dining alone because usually they are sitting quietly and so naturally our attention is not drawn to them. On the other hand, larger groups of people can be loud and much more obvious. This can bias our attention and mean that we don’t actually appreciate that lots of people eat alone for lots of reasons. Travelling alone, working away from home, just fancying a burrito from a specific place on your lunch break.
While initially you may feel anxious about eating alone, as you build confidence these feelings will quickly subside. This is because when something is unfamiliar it will tend to activate our threat system. This leads to feelings and physical sensations of anxiety. Over time, as we learn that the situation is ‘safe’ and we can cope, our anxiety will reduce.
How can I deal with anxiety about eating alone?
The decision-making that comes with solo dining can feel overwhelming for some, but rest assured, these fears are not unique. To address the challenges of solo dining, cultivating a mindset that embraces the discomfort associated with these experiences can be beneficial. By acknowledging and confronting these feelings, we can develop strategies that enhance our dining experiences while traveling alone. This approach encourages personal growth and fosters a greater appreciation for the joys and opportunities that solo dining can offer.
Distraction
One technique that proved effective for me during moments of anxiety was distraction. Instead of fixating on negative thoughts about how others might perceive my solitary dining, I began to scan my environment. Whether appreciating art on the wall, enjoying the view outside, or examining the restaurant menu to appreciate local cuisine, focusing on external stimuli helped shift my attention away from my internal dialogue. Distraction can be a powerful ally, empowering us to redirect our focus from self-judgment to the richness of our environment.
Reading a book is another common way to distract yourself and make use of time when you are eating, or at least when you are waiting for your food to arrive. This can be a good strategy as people are unlikely to disturb you or try and strike up a conversation when you are reading. It’s like a subtle message to the outside world that ‘I’m happy on my own’.
Challenging thoughts
Employing cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques, mainly the ‘thought challenging‘ method, proved helpful in rationalising negative thoughts. This technique revealed that my internal perceptions were not necessarily facts. When confronted with negative thoughts, such as the belief that everyone is judging my solitude as odd or indicative of an unlikable personality, I would write down my thoughts. Then I would seek evidence to substantiate them, and look for evidence that contradicted these beliefs. For instance, I would note down the number of people who actually looked at me and compare it to the number of people who were engrossed in their own conversations. This exercise was eye-opening; most diners were engaged in conversations and seemed oblivious to my presence, focusing instead on their own experiences.
Graded exposure
Gradually expanding your comfort zone can help you to overcome fears of eating alone when travelling. For instance, starting small and dining at a fast-paced fast-food place or coffee shop. Once you have tried this you can build up from there, such as trying a small local diner next time. Think of this process as being like a ladder with the easiest options being at the bottom and the most challenging at the top. Each step will be a new rung on the ladder, and this can help you to build confidence over time.
Practical considerations
Adjusting my dining hours helped to make me feel more comfortable experience as a solo traveller. I noticed that couples and families often dined later, so I found early dinners followed by strolls along the beach or promenade more enjoyable. This simple adjustment can make a significant difference, reassuring you that there are practical strategies to make solo dining more comfortable.
You may also want to think about the type of restaurant you are dining in and the atmosphere. Some are certainly more welcoming to solo travellers than others. As a rule, the trendier and more high-end restaurants tend to be more focused towards couples or groups. This makes it more likely that you will feel ‘out of place’. That’s not to say that you can’t visit these places but I’d definitely advise choosing a quieter time than 7pm on a Saturday!
How to cope if you have a bad experience
Whilst negative experiences are not too common, unfortunately they do happen occasionally. Solo travellers can sometimes face negative attitudes from restaurant staff and may be ignored. If this happens, take your custom elsewhere and do your best not to take it personally. It is definitely their problem and not yours! Sometimes just having the knowledge that other solo travellers have experienced this can be reassuring.
If you are feeling upset about the experience, this is understandable. In these situations, it can be helpful to call or message someone you trust to help you to take a step back from this experience. Solo travel communities on social media can also be a good source of support.
Conclusion
Dining alone while travelling solo can evoke feelings of anxiety, a common experience for many solo travellers. Acknowledging this anxiety, along with employing coping strategies such as distraction techniques and thought challenging, along with some practical steps, can significantly alleviate the discomfort associated with solo dining. It is essential to remember that you are not alone in this experience. As you continue to embrace solo meals, you may find that your anxiety diminishes, allowing you to fully appreciate your travels without the burden of apprehension regarding dining alone. Embracing this journey can lead to more fulfilling and enjoyable travel experiences.
If you liked this article check out my previous article Travelling alone with anxiety
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