By Elise Dyer, Clinical Associate Psychologist & Clinical Lecturer
Breaking up just before Christmas 2024 left me heartbroken, alone, and overwhelmed by a deep sense of loss, not just of a person, but of a shared future. Travelling solo became my unexpected pathway to healing and self-reconnection, and was really a journey back to myself. Here’s what I learned, and some tips if you’re considering your post-breakup trip.
My personal experience of a breakup
The timing couldn’t have been worse, our breakup happened right before Christmas. The festive season, usually full of warmth and connection, felt like a cruel contrast to the emptiness I was carrying. While friends and family gathered in joy, I navigated heartbreak in a season of togetherness.
I remember all the Christmas songs, local Christmas markets, and trees on sale, as well as the excitement people were experiencing. At the same time, I scrolled through photos of smiling couples, and happy children, all while feeling invisible, unloved, and painfully alone. The loneliness wasn’t just emotional, it was existential.
Something inside me knew I needed a shift, not a distraction, but a different kind of space to process what I was feeling. So, shortly after weeks of self-pity, I booked a solo trip to Lanzarote to spend 4 days, including Christmas Day and Boxing Day, away in the sun. I packed a few t-shirts, and lots of pens and paper to journal, which helps me process my feelings.
Why travelling can be so healing after a breakup
When you lose a relationship, you often lose part of your identity, your routine, and your sense of security. Travel, especially solo travel, offers a chance to re-orient yourself. It gently removes you from the familiarity of shared spaces and allows you to meet yourself anew.
For me, travelling wasn’t about running away. It was about turning inward, but in a new environment. This helped soften the grief, invited perspective, and reminded me that life was still full of possibility. My solo-travel helped me witness I was not the only ‘single’ person in the entire world, as a few single people were walking, buying drinks, lunch and simply walking on the beach. This helped me rationalise my inner negative critic screaming at me, ‘you only you, but nobody else is alone around Christmas’.
As psychologists, we know that there are different stages of loss that we have to work through in order to process what has happened. The most well-known is the Kubler-Ross stages of grief, which can be applied to the ending of a relationship. I found that having some distance and breathing space on my solo trip helped me to move through the emotions that I needed to feel. I certainly felt more ready to embrace acceptance by the time I returned to home. This didn’t mean it was easy, but I had certainly moved on in terms of processing the end of the relationship.
Choosing the right kind of trip
Not all travel is created equal, especially when your heart is tender. The key is to match your emotional needs to your destination.
Here’s what worked for me:
- Nature over nightlife – I chose quiet coastal towns and warm, sunny places where I could walk, rest, and breathe. The sun always helps me feel better, as did gentle exercise and connection with nature.
- Gentle, not overwhelming – I avoided noisy cities and emotionally charged locations (especially ones we had visited together). Lanzarote was a new destination for me that I had never visited before.
- Space to be with myself – I needed time alone, but not isolation. Nature gave me that sweet middle ground.
Ask yourself:
- Do I want stillness or stimulation?
- Am I seeking reflection or escape?
- What kind of environment soothes my nervous system?
Expect emotional ups and downs
Travelling didn’t erase my grief. I still cried over morning coffee, remembering how much my ex loved his first morning coffee. I still felt a pang when I saw couples holding hands. But those moments didn’t break me and I allowed myself to feel what I needed to feel.
There was one moment, sitting alone by the sea with my journal, that shifted something. I wrote pages about what I was grateful for. In that moment, I saw how capable I was of holding myself, of choosing peace, and of beginning again. I felt an immense peace that I was able to look after myself even during grief, that I was able to do things that helped me recover. Allowing myself to cry if I became overwhelmed and allowing myself to feel all of my feelings helped me process them.
Tips for Travelling After a Breakup
Here are some things that helped me, practically and emotionally, during my solo journey:
1. Start small if needed
You don’t need to jet off to Bali. A few days by the coast or a cabin in nature can be just as powerful. I picked a destination from my local airport, which was easy and cheaper to get to/from.
2. Avoid emotionally loaded destinations
Skip places filled with memories of your ex. Choose somewhere new that feels like a clean slate. This isn’t about avoiding reminders, it’s giving yourself the space that you need to heal.
3. Don’t over-schedule
Leave space for rest, walks, daydreaming, journaling, or whatever your soul craves. Healing can’t be rushed.
4. Pack a journal
Your journal becomes a witness to your innermost thoughts and processes. It helped me untangle my thoughts and track my growth. I still have my journal, and every now and then, I pick it up and remind myself how far I’ve come in a short space of time.
For more on how to journal effectively, see our guide to using a travel journal
5. Disconnect from your ex
Use this trip as a boundary; no texting, no checking their socials. This is your time. I find blocking/no-contact helps, not out of viciousness but out of self-healing.
6. Let your emotions come
Tears and joy may show up on the same day. Don’t judge yourself. Healing is nonlinear.
What I learned about myself
In the stillness of solo travel, I met parts of myself I had lost or neglected. I realised how much I had been giving in the relationship, often at the cost of my emotional well-being. I remembered how to listen to my body. I rediscovered my love for simple pleasures: the morning sun, sea air, fresh food, and long walks without a destination, as well as discovering new parts of the world.
Most importantly, I remembered that I could feel whole again, not because someone else completed me, but because I chose to come home to myself. Additionally, practising forgiveness during this trip was immensely helpful; I accepted everything as it was and forgave myself for my own mistakes during the relationship, and I forgave him for his wrongdoings. I practised acceptance and committed myself to my own healing.
Returning home with a different perspective
Returning home wasn’t easy. Familiar streets still held his echoes. Reminders would stir memories and unexpected waves of grief. But I was different. I returned with a sense of softness and strength, a deeper connection to myself. This was something I had slowly reclaimed during my solo journey.
I wasn’t “over it,” but I was no longer drowning. The pain now had space around it. I could carry it without it carrying me. And in that space, something else began to grow: hope.
I started saying “yes” again — to walks with friends, to coffee dates, to low-key social gatherings. One of the first was a New Year’s drinks evening. I almost didn’t go, but I felt a gentle nudge inside, not to force anything, to show up for life. And I’m so glad I did.
There, in the warmth of easy company, I was reminded that connection could be simple, natural, even enjoyable. That night was a quiet affirmation: healing doesn’t mean you close your heart. It means you return to yourself enough to open it on your terms.
Final Thoughts
Breakups, especially around emotionally charged times like Christmas, can magnify our loneliness and loss. But they also offer an invitation: to return to ourselves.
Travelling solo after heartbreak might feel daunting, but it can be a sacred container for healing, discovery, and deep self-love.
If you’re considering it, here’s my message to you:
Go gently. Go with intention. Embrace self-love and acceptance, knowing that ‘whatever happened, it happened for a reason’. Go to remember that you are not broken, just in the process of becoming whole in a new way.
