How to make friends while travelling

Dr Maja Jankowska, Clinical and Counselling Psychologist at Expansion Psychology 

Whether you travel solo or with a friend or a partner, there can be times when you need to connect with others – to get information, help, advice, inspiration and ultimately you may find yourself making friends in unexpected spaces.  This has certainly been my experience, and I have been advocating for travel as a way of making meaningful connections. Building connections with other travellers and hosts can enhance the experience immensely. If you travel and just stay in a hotel and go to the top touristy sights, you often do not get an immersive cultural experience and the true flavour of the place and people. So why not challenge yourself to a more unconventional way of travelling?

There is a growing community of travellers (and hosts) that emphasise the value of connection, providing support and sharing experiences through homestays. Within this community there are more and more travellers who are ditching hotels and hostels in favour of getting a real experience of staying with local hosts they have found through homestay networks. Many of them talk about the fondest memories of travelling that involve other travellers and hosts met through homestay networks, some of whom remain friends for life.

In this guide, I’ll talk you through what homestays are and how I’ve made friends through travelling this way. In the second half I’ll provide tips on making friends while travelling.

What is a homestay?

I personally have had many experiences through communities such as Host a Sister or Couchsurfing . For me, travelling isn’t just about visiting new places; it’s about creating connections, experiencing cultures, and forming lifelong memories. One of the best ways to achieve this is by staying in homestays, where you not only immerse yourself in the local lifestyle but also have a chance to make genuine friendships.

A homestay host is a person or family who offers a local home for visitors to stay in. Homestay hosts can provide a cultural exchange experience for guests, helping them learn about the local culture and language. Homestay hosts usually provide a welcoming environment, often with a private space in their home for the travellers (it can be a spare room but equally I had experiences when I, for instance, stayed in someone’s garden house or a living room). Some hosts may not be able to offer a space to stay but they can show you around, take you to places where only locals go or invite you to a traditional celebration, event or eatery (for instance, one of my friends got invited to a lovely traditional wedding in Asia). Sometimes your host may provide home-cooked meals, or you may offer to cook for them something from your culture. They will share local knowledge and provide advice on what to see and do, and how to get there (which, in my experience, has been a game changer). Sometimes a host may include you in an interesting activity (e.g. I played some traditional games). They can also keep an eye on you and provide rescue (for instance, I read many posts on Host a Sister where someone found themselves in danger or suddenly without accommodation as their B&B or hotel cancelled on them) and local hosts often stepped in and offered a safe space or respite for a short time.

What are the benefits of staying in a homestay?

Homestays offer a unique window into the daily life of locals. Unlike hotels, they provide a personal touch—whether it’s sharing meals with the host family, learning about cultural traditions, or simply having a heartfelt conversation over tea. Staying with locals adds depth to your journey and often leads to connections that last far beyond your trip.

My experiences of being hosted have led to me making friends, having very real experiences in local neighbourhoods I would have never had a chance to have if I just booked a packaged holiday or a stay in a hotel. I have also hosted some fascinating people who brought a plethora of experiences, knowledge, food and things to share.

For instance, some years ago I hosted a wonderful German lady who brought her violin and inspired my then beginner violin player daughter to keep going with her instrument. She also motivated me to sort out my garden and in the middle of cold February we would get up early – before my work and her engagements and we dug and de-weeded my garden. In the two weeks she stayed with me, we sorted out my garden, shared meals, stories and joy of music playing and listening.

In November 2024 I travelled through Morocco and met a lovely Aussie ex pat who took me around Meknes. As she converted to Islam, she offered to take me into a Mosque, where I was included as one of their own, despite the fact I am not a Muslim. The women were incredibly welcoming and my experience of a wonderful communion and peace, reminded me that we are all the same underneath, no matter what our background or religion is.

Although Halimah could not accompany us to many other places, she made the most amazing recommendations for which we were super grateful. One of the gems of Mekes she recommended was a music museum (not my usual cup of tea but it was just absolutely amazing and the museum itself is located in a beautiful palace with an amazing little courtyard and garden (see photos below)

Another of her recommendations (which otherwise we may have missed) was Site Archeologique de Volublis (UNESCO World Heritage site outside Meknes).

She gave us contact details for an absolutely beautiful, family ran riad in Meknes and It was so great we stayed there 2 nights (and it was the only place we stayed longer than one night as it was so lovely, comfortable and the hosts were simply amazing). She also connected us with a local in Merzounga – the desert who hosted us in his hostel, arranged a desert trip for us (much more reasonably priced than anything typically offered to tourists) and sourced genuine home made Berber jewellery for my daughter (which she loved).

Fairly recently, I was also hosted on three different occasions by three strong, inspirational women from different walks of life and interesting careers in three different parts of the UK and I saw the life I would have never had a chance to experience otherwise. Needless to say, we kept in touch and are planning more exchanges.

Here is a view towards the house of my lovely host in Scotland, whose house was so beautifully designed and decorated that it inspired me to re-design spaces in my own home!

And here is the photo of one of the cats that belong to a wonderful host in Bristol who has become a friend. Our shared love for animals united us and later she invited me to look after her cats.

And here is a view from a walk with a wonderful Cornish host who gave us her little cute garden house to live in. I learned so much from her about the charitable work she does, and I am grateful for her hospitality and her knowledge!

What if staying in a homestay is not for me?

Even if you decided that hosting and being hosted by a local is not for you, you could explore volunteering or working away (e.g. through Workaway). This provides an immersive experience of living and working in a local community and making connections with fellow volunteers, workers and people in the community.

For, instance, just over a year ago, a lovely lady flew over from New York with her 2 cats to spend a few months volunteering in the UK. Her workaway host cancelled at the last minute and most hostels would not accept her with her cats. So I offered to host her for a couple of weeks until her next placement. Her cats enjoyed the space and we shared food, stories and laughter, we swam together in the river and, in exchange, she did a little bit of work in my garden. A win-win exchange!

What are the benefits of making friends while travelling?

Perhaps it sounds like more work and more effort is needed to connect and make friends in this way but certainly there are some wonderful benefits, among them:

1. Connection, sense of belonging. In my view, relationships, friendships and camaraderie are a natural by-product of a hospitality network.
2. Opportunities to broaden perspective – especially when we come into contact with people and places we would normally have no access to.
3. Solidarity – on a very fundamental level having shared values of travelling, hosting and being hosted, wanting to engage in day to day lives and experiences of others can create the sense of solidarity or even unity – that fundamentally as human beings we share a lot and what we perceive as dividing can often be superficial.
4. Shard learning and knowledge – opening up to new ways of being, living, a culture of sharing knowledge and experience.
5. Confidence and pride  – in what you bring and what you see and learn from others, as well as in your own ability to travel, problem solve and deal with things (especially if solo travelling).
6. Self-discovery – it is through meeting people in different destinations that we can become more aware also of ourselves and our ways of being in the world.

Tips for making friends while travelling

By now, I hope you can share my enthusiasm for homestays. But for some of us, the prospect of making friends with hosts or fellow travellers can bring about feelings of anxiety or self-doubt. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, we don’t always “click” with others, which can lead to feelings of rejection or disappointment. Here’s how to manage those emotions and confidently embrace the experience.

1. Managing Social Anxiety

Making new friends, especially in an unfamiliar environment, can feel overwhelming. Here are some strategies to ease social anxiety:

First, you can start small. Maybe, as your first interaction, arrange a coffee and have some questions ready for the local person (about the local area, what to see, how to get there). Having a clear topic and questions can get the conversation going.

Staying with a local host for the first time:

• Begin with casual, low-pressure interactions. A simple “thank you for having me” or a compliment about the home can open the door to deeper conversations.
• Prepare Topics: Think of a few questions or topics in advance, such as asking about local attractions, family recipes, or cultural traditions. Generally people love being asked about themselves, their culture, language and traditions and this takes pressure off you.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel nervous—many others feel the same way. You’re stepping out of your comfort zone, which is something to be proud of!

2. Boosting Your Confidence

Building confidence when meeting new people takes practice and positive reinforcement. Again, start small and remember that confidence is something that we can develop, put simply, it’s like a muscle you can train. You could help yourself build your confidence by:

• Setting Realistic Expectations: You don’t have to become best friends with your host or fellow travellers. A pleasant, respectful interaction is still a success and getting the local info you need is often good enough to get you going.
• Focusing on Shared Interests: Look for common ground, such as hobbies or favourite foods, to foster natural conversation.
• Celebrating Small Wins: Every time you end up with a good chat, share a joke or participate in an activity, acknowledge your wins. You’re learning, developing and making steps toward building your confidence.

3. Dealing with Rejection or Disappointment

Not every interaction will lead to a deep connection, and that’s okay. It’s a little bit like people thinking I always need to have some deep, meaningful outcome. You might, but it’s also ok to chill out on a beach, with no expectations other than just being there.

But if you experience a disappointment, here are some tips on how to deal with those moments:

• Be self-compassionate: Perhaps you could say to yourself: “It’s ok not to click with everyone. Perhaps the chemistry wasn’t right and that’s ok.”
• Reframe the Experience: Instead of viewing it as rejection, see it as a learning opportunity.  If something doesn’t work out, that’s no reflection on your worth. It just wasn’t right at that time, place or with this person.
• Stay Polite and Positive: If the connection doesn’t spark, maintain respect and gratitude for their hospitality. Relationships don’t always need to be deep or meaningful just to be helpful.
• Seek Other Opportunities: If the dynamic with your host isn’t as warm as expected, use the opportunity to explore the local area or connect with other travellers.

4. Building Resilience

The key to overcoming anxiety and disappointment lies in resilience:

• Acknowledge your journey: I like to say to myself: “Every day, in every way I am learning and getting better and better.” Just going on a journey and exploring new things is developmental.
• Focus on Your Strengths: Remind yourself of what you bring to the table. Your stories, skills, and experiences are unique and valuable.
• Embrace Growth: Every interaction, even the challenging ones, is a chance to grow socially and emotionally.
• Find Support: Talk to a trusted friend, journal your feelings, or join online communities for travellers to share and process your experiences.

5. Remember, It’s About the Journey

The beauty of travel lies in the unexpected. So, whether you form a close bond with your host or simply learn something new about yourself, you have gained something. Not every interaction will be perfect, and that’s part of the adventure. Not every holiday is lovely and there will be times when you might even feel like you have been taken advantage of (e.g. over charged for something) but does it matter in the greater scheme of things? Probably not, so just let it go.

By managing your anxiety, nurturing your confidence, and embracing the ups and downs, you’ll not only build relationships but also cultivate resilience and self-awareness that enrich your travel and your life.

So my top tips would be:

• Be open and friendly
• Stay curious and show interest
• Be compassionate to yourself and others

And just treat this as a life experience on your journey of life.

Conclusion

Ultimately, I feel that through travelling to meet people, I learned to embrace my own individuality but at the same time challenge my ways of being and doing things and celebrate the authenticity of coming to contact with other ways of living. It also gave me a sense of solidarity and camaraderie with fellow travellers and explorers of the world.

If you liked this article check out How can I travel solo with social anxiety?