Dr Charlotte Russell, Clinical Psychologist & Founder
Travelling with friends can be a wonderful opportunity; the chance to enjoy time together, strengthen your connection and trust, enjoy memorable moments and to reap those all important psychological benefits of travel. In this article I’m going to talk you through these benefits and provide advice on how to get the most out of your trip.
Strengthening our connection with friends
It’s intuitive that positive experiences with our friends can help to strengthen connections. Dr Vicky Charles, Clinical Psychologist explains “I love to travel with friends, from cosy cottage breaks in the UK to long weekends in Europe, including a music festival in Barcelona. This offers the gift of time to connect with each other at a deeper emotional level, through shared interests and experiences”.
Dr Vicky explained how this time together can help to deepen connections “When we are away from the routines and distractions of typical life, and we are exploring together, this may create the conditions to deeply connect with ourselves and with our friends. We may feel safe and soothed in our nervous systems and be ready to open up and share our vulnerabilities and to engage in conversations about what matters most to us.”
Opportunities to build trust
Compromise and negotiation
Travelling with friends requires us to balance our own needs and the needs of our friends. This often requires compromise and negotiation. An example would be willingness to stay in cheaper accommodation than you would usually choose, so that your friend can afford it. When we compromise in this way it shows our friends that they matter to us, and this builds trust.
That’s not to say we should compromise on everything. There will be areas that are important to us where we aren’t willing to compromise. This is where boundaries are super important particularly if we identify ‘people pleasing’ behaviours in our life. For more on this check out our previous article How to please yourself on holiday: the antidote to people-pleasing
Supporting each other through challenges
Facing obstacles and challenges when we travel can help us to share feelings of vulnerability. This presents us with opportunities to build trust.
An example might be if a friend is able to support you through feelings of anxiety related to travel, or to be willing to be flexible support you if you are having a tough day or are unwell.
Working together to a shared goal
Collaborating together successfully is another great way to build trust. Let’s take an example of going camping with friends. There is a lot of equipment that you’ll need, and a lot of logistics in terms of finding and booking the right campsite and a date that everyone can make.
If friends are helpful and work with you to accomplish the goal of spending time together, these are green flags. When people show up for us in this way, we can be more confident that they will continue to show up for us in the future.
It’s good for our well-being
The research evidence strongly suggests that friendships are important for our well-being. A recent systematic review of 38 studies found that friendship quality and spending time with friends were predictors of well-being (Pezirkianidis et al, 2023). Friendships can be particularly helpful for our well-being when the friendship is perceived to be supportive, when we feel like we ‘matter’ to our friend, and when there is intimacy, support and trust within the relationship (Pezirkianidis et al, 2023)
In a global study across many countries, placing importance on friendships was found to be associated with better health and increased well-being (Lu et al., 2021). In this study, friendships were found to be particularly important for well-being for women (Lu et al., 2021).
An interesting study looked at the differences in physiology between participants talking to a supportive friend and talking to a friend perceived as ambivalent (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2007). It was found that when sharing a difficult experience with an ambivalent friend, participants’ blood pressure was more reactive. This was not the case with friends that were perceived to be supportive. The findings suggest that the quality of our friendships are important for how well they can buffer us from stress.
There has not been research looking specifically at the effects of travelling with friends. However, it is plausible that travelling with friends is one way to build and strengthen friendships, which ultimately can contribute to our well-being. However it is likely that travelling with friends is only beneficial if we are travelling with friends who are genuinely supportive and mutually respectful.
Friendships and the importance of savouring
In an interesting study in Greece, researchers found a positive relationship between participants’ ability to savour their experiences and the quality of their friendship (Pezirkianidis et al, 2023). Essentially if we are able to savour the moment, be present and enjoy, this means that we tend to have better friendships.
The researchers suggested that savouring positive moments with friends helped participants to deepen their friendships (Pezirkianidis et al, 2023). Not only that, the researchers found that both savouring and good quality friendships led to increased wellbeing.
What can we take from this? Well we should really focus on trying to savour the moment especially when we are with friends. When you are watching a beautiful sunset with a friend, make sure to comment on it “this is such a lovely moment and I’m so glad I’m spending it with you”. At the end of each day on your holiday, ask each other what you have enjoyed most. Look at each other’s photos on the journey home and reflect on the positive moments. Savouring in this way is good for your friendship and good for your well-being!
Friends can provide us with different perspectives
Even for the closest and most aligned friends, it is likely that your views on some topics will differ. If we approach these differences with curiosity and mutual respect, this can help us to understand and appreciate different perspectives better.
When travelling with friends, we spend time reflecting on our experiences which can lead to new insights and different ways of viewing the world. You may both watch the same dance performance of the culture you are visiting, but you may notice and enjoy different aspects of the performance. This helps us to appreciate new perspectives.
Sharing experiences can increase your curiosity
Sometimes our interests differ from those of our friends, which can provide an opportunity to something different or at the edge of your comfort zone. Trying something new with someone we trust can have numerous benefits including for our curiosity and psychological flexibility. Even if you try the new activity and you conclude that it is not your cup of tea, this is part of the process of getting to know yourself. It is important to try and make the best of the activity, even if you think it isn’t for you.
What about the challenges of travelling with friends?
Travelling with friends does come with challenges. While compromise can provide an opportunity to build trust, this does not always happen.
It is possible that your friend is not willing to compromise or is dismissive of your needs. This can be a red flag. If this happens I’d encourage you to think about times in the friendship when you’ve needed to ask for something or assert your needs. How has your friend has responded to this? If they have listened, been understanding and supportive in the past then of course these are good signs. On the other hand if they are consistently dismissive and unwilling to compromise, I would encourage you to re-evaluate your friendship. Remember it is easy to get along with someone when we don’t ask for anything, and how someone responds when we do can be really telling.
You might find that compromise is difficult because you want different things, have very different budgets or ideas about how to spend your time on holiday. If you have been friends for a while and you them well, you probably have an idea of potential areas of tension. Its very important to communicate about how you will manage these tensions before your trip. For more on this check out my previous article How do I get along with my friends on vacation?
Conclusion
Travelling with friends provides an amazing opportunity to connect with our friends and to build trust. It can also help us to learn and grow as a person and can be good for our well-being. However, the quality of our friendship is important. We benefit most when travelling with trusted friends and we are much less likely to benefit from travelling with friends where the relationship is ambivalent, unsupportive or when there is an absence of mutual support and trust.
References
Holt-Lunstad, J., Uchino, B. N., Smith, T. W., & Hicks, A. (2007). On the importance of relationship quality: The impact of ambivalence in friendships on cardiovascular functioning. Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 33(3), 278-290.
Lu, P., Oh, J., Leahy, K. E., & Chopik, W. J. (2021). Friendship importance around the world: Links to cultural factors, health, and well-being. Frontiers in psychology, 11, 570839.
Pezirkianidis, C., Galanaki, E., Raftopoulou, G., Moraitou, D., & Stalikas, A. (2023). Adult friendship and wellbeing: A systematic review with practical implications. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1059057.
Pezirkianidis, C., Christopoulou, M., Galanaki, E., Kounenou, K., Karakasidou, E., Lekka, D., … & Stalikas, A. (2023). Exploring friendship quality and the practice of savoring in relation to the wellbeing of Greek adults. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1253352.