Travelling with children can be both a wonderful opportunity and a challenge. In this article, eleven psychologists give their top tips for getting the most out of vacations with children.
Travelling with young children
Dr Bethany Brown, Clinical Psychologist at Anderson Brown Psychology
Travelling with kids transforms the carefree spontaneity of pre-kid holidays into something that can feel unrecognisable. As a Clinical Psychologist, I see this transition as an opportunity for growth and connection, as an adult human I feel pangs of loss for the adventures I used to have, and as a Mum I feel a sense of dread at the idea of a holiday being “just parenting in the heat”. So here are my tips for making the most of adventures with little ones!
Realistic Expectations
Gone are the days of impromptu detours and late-night escapades. Instead, focus on what you value most: family bonding, exploration, and creating joyful memories. Be realistic about what is achievable and allow for anything else to be a bonus. Pre-kids we would have left in the morning and returned when our feet wouldn’t walk any more. Now with a preschooler we tend to try and have one planned activity for the day and play the rest by ear.
Beginner’s Mind
Next, tap into the beginner’s mind of your children. Their wonder and curiosity offer a fresh perspective on familiar experiences. Use their excitement as a mindful anchor, helping you stay present and appreciative of each moment, no matter how small. I personally thought my theme park days were over until I connected with the sheer joy and amazement of a toddler meeting their favourite characters.
Psychological Flexibility
Psychological flexibility is the ability to adapt to changing situations, balance different needs, and stay calm and focused when things don’t go as planned. It’s like being a mental gymnast, adjusting your thoughts and actions to handle whatever comes your way. This is your best ally when travelling with kids. Travel is unpredictable, by going with the flow and adapting to changes, you model resilience for your children and maintain your sanity. When a curveball hits, like a missed flight or a tantrum, take a deep breath and pivot calmly.
Acceptance
Lastly, accept imperfection. Not every moment will be Instagram-worthy, and that’s okay. Imperfections often lead to the most memorable stories and genuine connections.
Top tips:
- Weekly pill box containers make a fun snack box. The different compartments have that novelty factor and helpful slow down little eaters, making the snacks last longer on journeys.
- Carry some pencils, paper, stickers or even mini tubs of play dough in your backpack. They can be a lifesaver in restaurants / cafes.
- Plan kid-friendly activities, but leave room for spontaneity.
- Most importantly, enjoy the journey, bumps and all.
Travelling with older children and teenagers
Dr Lucy Russell, Clinical Psychologist and and Founder of They Are The Future
If you’re travelling with older children or teens, give them the opportunity to develop leadership skills and confidence by putting them in charge of an aspect of your trip, like navigation to a particular destination. This will keep them engaged, and you will love watching them flourish! You might also give them a small travel budget, which will teach financial responsibility and decision-making skills.
I also recommend you involve your teen in the travel planning process. This could be picking destinations or planning meals. It will give them a sense of ownership and develop their planning skills, as well as teaching them the basics of becoming future independent travellers themselves.
Another way of keeping your child motivated and engaged is by encouraging them to keep a travel journal or take photos. It’s a great way for them to express themselves and capture memories. At the same time, don’t expect that your teen or tween should be involved in every activity. They will need some private time, whether that means opting out of some excursions or just having extended time with their headphones on during long journeys.
Keep an eye on lifestyle factors when you’re travelling with adolescents. For example, to keep them balanced in their mood, encourage physical activity during travel breaks to help them stretch and release energy. Ensure they have enough snacks to keep blood sugar levels balanced, such as healthy snack bars which combine protein and slow release carbs.
Creating harmonious sibling relationships on vacation
By Dr Jade Redfern Clinical Psychologist and Parenting Coach
Vacations are a special and exciting time for families, but they can also bring out tricky family dynamics and sibling rivalry. There can be a lot of built-up excitement and expectations. I grew up in a big family, one of 4 so I know just how wonderful and hard it can be to have many siblings.
Understanding and managing the dynamics between siblings will help the whole family have a much more enjoyable time away.
Here are some strategies to make your holiday fun and a break away for everyone.
One-on-one time
All children need to feel secure in their place within the family. Dedicate special one-on-one time with each child. Even just 10 minutes of undivided attention can significantly boost their sense of security and reduce rivalry. During this time, focus entirely on the child, don’t ask too many questions, and try to follow their lead without distractions.
Understanding sibling roles
Each child often assumes specific roles within the family, like the “good one” or the “troublemaker.” Recognize these roles and understand they are not fixed. Avoid reinforcing these labels through your reactions and interactions. This flexibility helps children see each other in new, more positive ways.
Validate feelings
Acknowledge the challenges of having a sibling. Simple validations like, “Having a brother can be tough,” can go a long way. Don’t try to convince them otherwise; just acknowledging their feelings helps them feel heard and understood.
Avoid comparisons
Avoid comparing siblings. Statements like, “Your sister shared, why can’t you?” foster competition and resentment. Instead, focus on each child’s individual needs and achievements without drawing comparisons.
Handle conflicts with compassion
When conflicts arise, step in as calmly as you can (walk away if not) and try to avoid becoming the referee. Describe what you see happening without taking sides, and model calm behavior. Later, when everyone is calm, you can come back to discipline (teach) conflict resolution skills.
Predict and prepare for jealousy
Help children anticipate feelings of jealousy and scenarios on holiday where this might show up. Preparing them for these feelings, makes them easier to manage.
Encourage positive expression
Give children a safe space to express their feelings about their siblings. Encourage them to talk to you about their frustrations instead of acting them out. But don’t try to fix or change them. This helps them process their emotions healthily, rather than unleash them on their sibling.
Remember – it’s hard to spend lots of time, in confined spaces with the same people and this is the same for our kids.
And remember, the goal is not to eliminate all conflict but to teach children how to be in relationship and conflict with one another. It can also be helpful to redefine a holiday, with kids to perhaps ‘an adventure.’
Supporting an anxious child
By Dr Alexandra Leedham, Clinical Psychologist at Autism Unpicked
Holidays and travel can come with new opportunities and excitement but also lots of unfamiliarity. Every child is different but some tips that can be adapted to individual needs include:
- Learn about your child’s worries before travelling. This will help you to make proactive plans. They may not be able to tell you so observing them or using creative methods like drawing can help you learn the triggers for their anxiety.
- Validate feelings by acknowledging you understand why your child is having hard feelings. Set aside some ‘feelings time’ each day to talk through any worries from the day. Try not to do this too close to bed time.
- Increase feelings of predictability by preparing children for what to expect. Find examples of what you will be doing online and look at specific places (e.g., the hotel website). Give them time to ask questions so you can talk through what to expect. We can’t prepare for everything but this can help them feel more secure. Using creative methods like role playing, developing social stories (see Carol Gray’s website) can also help. You could also help them to think about what will stay the to same to reduce worries about uncertainty.
- Bring some comfort items that make them feel at home (e.g., their favourite cup, their own bedding) and support items, activities for fun and some for distraction if needed (e.g., noise filtering headphones, audio books and games, fidget toys). Involve them in planning these if possible.
- Practice coping strategies in advance so you can use them in the moment when needed. For example, learn some breathing exercises like ‘box’ or ‘bubble’ breathing. Child friendly visual examples can be found online. Practice these together so you can manage your own feelings and show your child how to cope when anxious.
Dr Holly Shahverdi-Cartlidge, Counselling Psychologist at Harmony Psychology
Travel is often something we are excited about, but for some children, unfamiliar places, lack of predictability and change in routine can trigger anxiety. Here are 4 ways you can support an anxious child travelling:
1. Involve them from the start:
Whilst planning travel, consider involving your child in the process. Anything you can prepare them for including schedules and timings will help them gain a sense of familiarity and help to reduce anxiety. In addition, any pictures you can show them of the destination beforehand will also help to ease anxiety.
2. Consider routines:
Travel impacts on day-to-day routines which help children feel a sense of security. Consider ways that you can incorporate any familiarity into your travel routines- some examples may be sticking to usual mealtimes and bed times, reading a familiar story or following a usual morning routine. Familiar items can also help restore familiarity such as a favourite toy.
3. Talking to your child openly about travel:
It’s important that your child feels able to express their anxious thoughts and feelings about travel. Offering your child a safe space to talk about the upcoming trip and making time to listen and validate their feelings including any specific worries they have can help to reduce anxiety beforehand.
4. Calming and grounding techniques:
It can be helpful to prepare some calming and grounding techniques to be used if things get overwhelming. Some examples of this can be visualisation exercises or deep breathing. This can equip an anxious child with skills to navigate anxiety in the moment and help them to feel prepared for the trip ahead.
Empathy and patience make a difference when preparing an anxious child for travel. Using these steps would be a great start for instilling a sense of confidence in your child and making travel a more exciting experience for them. Happy travelling!
Managing sleep
Dr Nicola Cann, Educational Psychologist at The Family Sleep Consultant
Routines can go out of the window when we’re on holiday and that’s often really disruptive to our sleep. To keep your family sleeping well when you’re travelling try to keep as many things the same as possible. Having a late night? No problem, just stick to your usual bedtime routine as far as possible but shift it later. You can also recreate your child’s usual sleep environment by bringing items from home like favourite toys, pyjamas and bedding. In sleep terms, you’re providing as many of their usual sleep associations as possible (the conditions your child associates with sleep). This helps to give your child a sense of security when there’s lots of change going on around them. Preparing for an unfamiliar sleeping environment can also help. Talk your child through any changes and let them spend time relaxing in their new bedroom before it’s time for bed. The environment will feel calming and familiar when it’s time to go to sleep. And finally, look after your sleep as a parent. If you’re not sleeping well it’ll be harder to help your family get the rest they need to maximise your vacation. You’ll be more likely to cave to the inevitable bedtime resistance of your excitable toddler, or more inclined to stay up late yourself and have that extra glass of wine.
Sustainable travel with children
Dr Rachel Yates, Clinical Psychologist at Climate Parenting
There is increasing evidence of the impact of the climate and nature emergencies on the mental health of children and young people, many of whom feel greatly let down by adults and those in power taking insufficient action. For those with children, taking sustainable choices when travelling as a family is one way you can spark some meaningful conversations, while showing the next generation their future matters.
Sustainable changes you can make include:
- Avoiding flying and opting for eco-friendly transportation methods, such as trains, buses and ferries.
- Choosing eco-friendly accommodation
- Eating local and plant-based foods
- Avoiding single-use plastics such as by carrying a reusable water bottle
Long journeys with young children may seem daunting, but offer an opportunity to slow down, travel more mindfully and even experience the benefits of boredom, allowing space for imagination and creativity.
If you get desperate, you can smooth things along by having small, novel activities ready to entertain them. If travelling abroad, you could even use the opportunity to learn some words in the local language.
If you liked this article check out Holidays with the kids: advice from a child clinical psychologist